I’ll super, duper honest with you, I have no idea what I wanted to write about in this last blog post. I still have really NO idea what to write about. I am watching Longmire on Netflix as I type this and I have a sleeping cat whom is dreaming next to me as well. I’ve learned a lot from this English 203 class, I really have. This class was a lot of fun, and I will enjoy all of the memories from this semester, the good and the bad. I won’t get into the sappy, mushy stuff, but I made a good share of close friends in this class, they’ll know who they are if they read this. I have learned a lot about myself this semester, even this year. I have grown up as a person, I have matured over this past year, and man am I grateful to be able to say that.
While flipping through books for this class, it came into my mind. One thing that has kept me on track throughout this class, was being able to go to class, and learn something new and inspiring that Percival Everett did. Or maybe even read something by Percival Everett. There’s a poem that caught my eye in his re: f (gesture) book. The poem is in the first section, Zulus, “W is for word, for wall for standing witness, for wake. ‘Man, wird oft von einem Wort behext’” (Everett, 37) This poem spoke to me, on a personal level. Not everyone knows this, because I keep it under wraps, and hidden from the world. I’m a survivor of a Mental and Emotional relationship, from a guy that I thought loved me. It’s been 3 years since this has happened, and when I read this poem, I honestly, started to tear up.
Walls were witnesses of this abuse I endured. Those walls were powerless, and couldn’t do anything about it. I honestly don’t call myself a victim, I’ve learned not to call myself that because I don’t need pity. I call myself a survivor because I definitely did. I was strong enough one day to walk away. To walk away from the walls that were witnesses. For every waking hour, I never knew what the day would have in store for me, what HE would have in store me. I have words for this person every day, but I’ve grown up to know that he doesn’t deserve the satisfaction to know that I am hurt still to this day, to know that I cry to this day about it, and to know that relationships are still hard for me, to this day…
I am not writing this blog post for tears, don’t cry. I am not writing this post to be told, “Good for you.” I heard that a lot when I got out of the relationship. I’ve learned in the past couple years to not get attached to people so easily, to have my guard up at all times because the inevitable could happen. I am writing this blog post to show that you can do it too, I am writing this blog post to show men and women that you too can be strong, you too can stand tall on top of a hill and scream your lungs out saying “I DID IT!”. Yes, yes you did; and I am very proud of you. This blog is a voice, not just for me, but for everyone who has been a part of a abusive relationship, or who still may be. Know that I will help you, in any possible way I can. Because I didn’t when I was a part of this relationship, I didn’t when I left. Because I was so scared to anyone about the relationship, I was scared on what he might do to me, or to any of my friends.
Do know, I am a better person due to this relationship. Yes, it was a terrible and horrible relationship. But I grew once I left. I blossomed. I did cry, a lot. But I grew up and matured as a person. I’ve met a lot of amazing people throughout these past couple years, and I am grateful for them. I am grateful for myself because I am still here. I am still here BECAUSE I left. I am powerful, I am strong, I am a warrior in my own body and mind. Whatever I set my mind to; I will achieve it.
If you fall victim to ANY kind of abuse, please contact the abuse hotline at: 1-800-799-7233