Accepting my future

Through these first couple weeks of class, I have been able to look at many different epigraphs that have made me think deeply about certain topics. Ive been able to open up a part of my brain that hasn’t been used in a very long time. My creative brain.

One epigraph I was very drawn to and has helped open up my creative mind. Is the one titled “I AM NOT MYSELF TODAY” written by Percival Everett’s, in the book titled I am Not Sidney Poitier. I relate to this epigraph in the way that it made me feel validated in how I am feeling right now. Being here at college is the first time I’ve ever been away from home. It is bittersweet leaving, and I know I’m supposed to accomplish amazing things here. But since I’ve gone back to my hometown after being at college for just a couple weeks, it doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t feel like its home anymore. Yes, the people are the same and they haven’t changed, but the feeling I get stepping into my bedroom is different than before. The feeling I get driving through the streets of my town, is a different feeling that overwhelms my body. I’m not sure what it is but I definitely know that in a very confusing way it’s reassuring me that I am where I’m supposed to be. Here at college, I am doing everything I can to become the person I dream of being. The quote “I came back to this place to find something, to connect with something lost, to reunite if not with my whole self, then with a piece of it. What I’ve discovered is that this thing is not here. In fact, it is nowhere”(Percival Everett), resonates with me because when I left for college I felt like I was leaving something behind, and in fact I wasn’t. I just needed to accept that I was starting a new part of my life that didn’t involve my hometown. And it was okay that I put myself first and chased my dreams. My mom always told me to think of myself first before I sacrifice my own happiness for others. I think this epigraph in my interpretation is saying the same thing. It’s explaining how Sidney Poitier is returning somewhere to hopefully find a piece of herself she feels is missing, but in reality nothing is missing, and she finds comfort in that. It took returning to this place, to understand who she is and that there’s nothing missing from who she “needs” to be.

Another quote from this epigraph that really resonated with me was “It seems you all know me and nothing could be further from the truth”. (Percival Everett) This quote resonates with me because through high school, I was always the type of person everyone used and walked all over. Those people think they know me, as the girl who doesn’t stick up for herself, and never really knows when to tell someone no. I’ve grown a lot since high school. And I’m not that girl anymore. So as much as those people think they “know” me. They don’t know who I am now. A very strong, determined, and powerful person who knows what she wants and will do anything to achieve it. I think this comes from being so young, and having accomplished as much as I have in my life so far, I know my abilities and I will never become that girl ever again. So they will never have the privilege to know who I am now. Just like Sidney Poitier.

Looking through the multiple epigraphs we have gone over in class. I feel as though Professor McCoy as well as these epigraphs have helped reopen my creative brain and helped me work to think deeper about topics. Throughout high school and my past college experience, in all of my classes whenever we had an assignment to write a paper, we were instructed to follow a strict prompt and write for word count. Our creativity was stripped away. Being in this class has really helped open that writing creativity back up. Being forced to look at these different epigraphs, and figure out what they each make me feel, Has made me start THINKing about other things in my day to day life. Being able to look at the deeper meaning of things has helped me be able to write this essay, that at first I was very unsure about. It was hard for me to grasp what the concept was because it is more of a “your interpretation” paper rather than spitting facts and bull-shitting about topics we don’t necessarily resonate with. I’m excited to keep using my THINKing skills, and dive deeper into this course, being able to use my interpretation of different topics and write more essays that use my creative thinking skills that I always knew I had, but was never able to use.

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