At the beginning of the semester, I was very intimidated by the whole blog post writing process. It is one thing to write for a class and a professor—the professor reads your writing, grades it and any criticism the instructor might have regarding your work, is a private matter between one’s self and the professor. The thing I found the most alarming about the blog posts was that they were going to be on a public page. The blog posts were on a public page meant that it was entirely possible for any member of the public to read, comment on, and critique my writing. Of course, the likelihood of an individual reading the blog (other than Dr McCoy) let alone commenting on it, was very slim. Yet, the fact that anyone could read my posts drew me up short. I found that there tends to be a sense of vulnerability when handing in a piece of writing that one has crafted and spent much time and effort on. There is this nagging question, and often by extension fear, lurking in the back of my mind; what will my professor think? As a result of my looming doubts and that fear, I wrote my first few posts haphazardly, writing more because I had to than because I wanted to. I attempted to write those posts in a way that I thought Dr McCoy might like and not because I felt passionate about them. In my first post, for example, I simply attempted to draw parallels between my childhood and the literature that we were reading in class. I was not proud of the work, nor was I passionate, nor challenged by the content I had chosen to write about. I avoided challenging myself because I did not think that that was what the class was about. Understandably, my grade reflected my lack of self-motivation, challenge and passion.
As the semester progressed, I finally began to have fun with the blogging process and to see it as an opportunity to grow as a writer. I also began to write about things that I cared about. For example, apathy is an issue in the modern culture of the U.S. that I find alarming and in need of being addressed. I found that the issue if U.S. apathy was something that was cropping up in many of my late-night conversations with friends and family, and the topic of apathy turned out to be something that I felt passionately about. I thought to myself that I might as well not waste my time writing about things that I did not care about. Throwing caution to the wind—I wrote about something I cared about. Lo and behold, my grade and the criticism I received reflected my passion for the topic and for the writing in and of itself.
My fourth blog post presented me with an interesting challenge. My fourth post was a group project and I learned some valuable lessons from it. I was worried at first to do a group project because I have always found group projects to be a gamble and in my experience nine times out of time they do not end well. Yet, through the process of collaboration I learned that, despite my doubts, I collaborate with other writers well. I enjoyed that experience and I think it aided me as a writer quite a bit. I enjoyed the challenge of trying to work everyone’s expertise/ interests into the post. For example, one of the writers I worked with is a biology major and another is a music and English major. Both people (Brian and Choy) had their own unique areas of interest and that presented our group with a challenge; how should we incorporate their interests in ways that are helpful to the group? Brian is very good with grammar and punctuation whereas Choy’s speciality was in the sciences. Brian’s interest in grammar and punctuation became indispensable when it came to proofreading and Choy’s interest and background in science were key in brainstorming and developing our post. In this way, the group and I were able to overcome the challenge of working together and were rewarded through our grade and through the learning we experienced through the project.
There is something so rewarding in being oneself and being rewarded for it. For a long time, I have reflected on the effects of communication and interpretation and the battle it posies for much, if not all of humanity. I realized that this issue of miscommunication was at the forefront of my mind—why not post about it? But I was scared, what if my opinions had already been written about, or if they were not good enough? It was challenging to break free of those misconceptions and expectations of what I was supposed to write about and how to write about it. I allowed my training and my passion to guide me. I soldiered on through the process, slowly breaking down the barriers that my fear of challenge had created for me. Indeed, I think that my ninth post was my best effort so far, perhaps not in quality but in that I was able to overcome so much—I was not so focused on writing for a word count or writing to serve some purpose—I was writing for the pure sake of writing. As I wrote in the post, I was not looking to solve the inevitability of miscommunication I was simply writing to share my half-formed thoughts with potential readers. It was a very personal post because it was almost verbatim conversations and opinions that I had had many times before. In these later posts, I found myself really overcoming the challenge of setting aside my fears and throwing caution to the wind in the hopes that my thoughts and writings are respected.
I have learned throughout the blogging experience, the importance of hard work and the rewarding feeling when one has truly challenged themselves. I am utterly amazed to see how much I have grown as a writer and as an individual throughout this semester. Not only was the blogging experience challenging; it was fulfilling and enjoyable. Once I overcame the hardships internalizing criticism and challenging myself sufficiently, I loved being forced to write in such a creative, freeing and yet in a way limiting, manner. I have learned much from this experience and I believe that others can learn from this too. My story is one that can be related to so many things, it does not have to be about writing—could be an athlete who overcomes their struggle, or a painter, or musician. But this theme of challenges faced and overcome is an age-old tale. In a few of my blog posts, I wrote about.
That all being said, I believe that the tendency to not challenge one’s self is very human (here I am with my endless social philosophizing). I believe that it is common for individuals to almost instinctually avoid hardship for in the past, even so far back as primitive humans, challenge and hardship meant very serious risk—possible injury and even death. That mentality of protecting one’s self in the past made sense, it protected humans from real harm from predators and other humans, etc.—that mentality of hiding away and not drawing attention to one’s self could mean the difference between life and death. While once the fear of failure protected people, it now stands in the way of our growth as intellectual beings. In the United States we have built a semblance of safety for many of our citizens, so we do not have to worry about attacks from wild animals, or other tribes, in this way society is our protection. We now need to branch out and present our intellectual selves to one another in order to advance. Yet, that old instinctual habit of self-protection comes back to haunt us. We need to learn how to fight that instinct to not challenge ourselves, because that instinct holds back our intellectual and, very possibly, our emotional growth. I have, through my own experience, struggled with this fear of challenge and failure. I have let my fear hold me back in many ways because I was afraid of the risk that putting myself on the line would require. That fear was omnipresent when I wrote a post that included a very personal poem that I had written. Yet, through my blog posting experience, I have learned the value of persevering and also discovered the value of challenging one’s self in the process of growth.