I did not understand in the beginning, and I still do not have a good grasp of it: the semester is almost over and yet I am still sitting here, my brain glitching out as I try to partake in the behemoth that is social media. Ever since I could remember I avidly avoided getting publicly noticed on any websites or applications that require me to create and participate in social networking. Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube, Twitter, Reddit, and the list goes on. When I had to use any of these websites, I would enter under an alias name. When watching a video, admiring a picture, or reading some text (nothing illegal of course), I do everything under the radar; like Batman, once I was done, I was gone without a trace. For example, on Facebook I do not use my real name. Instead, I use the nickname that I had received when I was in high school. I never post status’s nor do I comment on other posts. I barely utilize the tools and functions that Facebook was created for, so why even make an account?
Here is where the paradox comes in.
The account was created in order to keep in contact with my friends and to create new connects with strangers. Through my experience in college I learned that majority of connections are fashioned using social media. To maintain friendships without the internet is almost impossible now a days. So, to my dismay, I was forced to enter the public network, and because I did, I believed that I had overcome my biggest online obstacle.
I was wrong.
When I entered my ENG 203 course I froze upon my spot with the introduction of blog posts. A blog is a regularly updated website or web page, usually run by an individual or a group, that is written in an informal style. I know its definition and Professor McCoy had explained the process, so in turn I should know how to write one. Yet, despite these facts I do not know how to “correctly” write a blog. There’s no set structure in a blog post nor is there a strict requirement for me to follow. I would have to input some degree of personal opinion into these posts. This was something that I had never done.
In the shadows I would read strangers personal posts and I always commended them for their bravery. To be able voice your ideas on an open network, whether it is simply agreeing to a post or providing a profound critique, is quite courageous. Back in the beginning of the semester, I never fathomed I would be able to do the same. I am not a very social individual, so to put myself out there on the internet…It is very frightening. Would this blog post sound condensing? What if this blog idea is not intertextually deep enough? Is a blog post suppose to sound like a scientific research paper? All these questions would begin to drown me whenever I would consider posting on the website. As a result, I would constantly pull back from post and continue to critique it. It was a vicious cycle of contemplating to post and pulling back. However, when I was able to struggle past my insecurities and post my first blog it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. With every blog addition I began to enjoy the process and I realized that I was worrying myself for no reason. Through the slow progression of drafting blogs and finding the courage to finally post them online, I hope to overcome this anxiety. I had lived my life like a hermit, hiding inside a shell of privacy and comfort, but maybe it is time to take a leap of faith and dive into the unknown.