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Walking into any class on the first day of a new year is nerve racking for most. Dr. McCoy’s class was no different until she walked in and told us to discuss a “suspicious” pair of pants. I knew this class was not going to be like any I have taken before. Within these past few weeks I have learned that we are encouraged to focus on learning and thinking rather than memorizing and grading. We are to focus on our minds instead of our brains. 

Of our course epigraphs, the quote from Percival Everett’s I am Not Sidney Poitier, stood out to me the most. The quote reads, “‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘I came back to this place to find something, to connect with something lost, to reunite if not with my whole self, then with a piece of it. What I’ve discovered is that this thing is not here. In fact, it is nowhere. I have learned that my name is not my name. It seems you all know me and nothing could be further from the truth and yet you know me better than I know myself, perhaps better than I can know myself. My mother is buried not far from this auditorium, and there are no words on her headstone. As I glance out now, as I feel the weight of this trophy in my hands, as I stand like a specimen before these strangely unstrange faces, I know finally what should be written on that stone. It should say what mine will say: I AM NOT MYSELF TODAY.’” I couldn’t point out exactly what I liked about this particular epigraph when I first read it. I read it over and over again, attempting to find its meaning when I realized that part of what Percival Everett was trying to say is that we search for a meaning in everything when everything is seen differently by each person. This brings my mind back to our discussion of the world threshold, of being in two places at once while also being nowhere. Everything has multiple meanings, so does it really mean anything besides what one thinks matters? 

With this being said, I also realized that different parts of this epigraph had me thinking differently. Everett writes, “I came back to this place to find something…to reunite if not with my whole self, than with a piece of it.” His words remind me of the foundations of this class. We are encouraged to focus on the process, not the product of our writing. Though this is the first thing I am writing, I think this method will teach me about myself and how my mind works when I believe I can just think and write instead of worrying. In one of our readings, a previous student, Laura Skrzypczyk, says that “Maybe we just need someone to say, ‘this is what we hope you’ll get out of this college experience, but these are some alternative possibilities that can happen. That’s the reality. And we’re here for you if it does!’” This similar way of teaching that Dr. McCoy has introduced has me looking forward to learning about myself through process and not judging myself with the product. I think about seeing where I can go when I am not already thinking about the end. I remember when Dr. McCoy said, “Don’t focus on the horizon, because the closer it gets the farther it moves.” 

The second part of the epigraph that sticks out to me reads, “It seems you all know me and nothing could be further from the truth and yet you know me better than I know myself, perhaps better than I can know myself.” Percival Everett writes that his character sees themselves one way while the people around them see a different person. This sentence makes me think of how we all think about things in a different manner. It brings me back to the class discussions about how differently we all can view texts. As a class we were told that just because we do not understand something does not mean we are lesser than our peers, and in fact, we are likely not alone in our misunderstandings. Through our discussions we have learned that there is no “right” or “wrong” because we learn through ourselves and through each other. 

As a whole, this epigraph deals with learning about yourself and how it is okay if you never quite know everything. It is also okay to grow and change and “not be yourself today.” This is the way I feel we are encouraged to think about ourselves, our writing, and our learning. This brings me to my goals for this semester, and the main one is to actually get into this way of thinking. When writing this post I have caught myself asking if I am writing enough or stressing about what to add. I think this is the way we have been conditioned to think, but when approached with a new way of thinking I have realized that this conditioning does not result in a deep understanding. My goal is to get to know myself better through writing and thinkING.

Based on what I have read, done, and experienced during the first-class periods, I have been diving into epigraphs and working with my creative mind and relating these epigraphs to outside situations. These epigraphs are a short quotation or a saying at the beginning of a book or chapter, which detects its theme.

            I have chosen the epigraph of “suspicious pants”, this is because after discussing this epigraph and comparing it to other outside activities and situations I have related to it the most as well as the reading The Art of Scaring. On the first of class, we were told to sit and discuss how this epigraph came off to us and what we think when we investigate it. At first, I just saw a pair of pants and was genuinely confused but the more I talked with my classmates and looked a little harder I discovered something more and looked at the caption above the picture and understood everything about the picture. This epigraph simply demonstrates that it is difficult to dissect something without having a caption explaining what is going on. I have come across many situations along the line of struggling to identify something without the real explanation of what I am looking at or learning, and I connect this to my life deeply. It is hard to live life without “answers” or understanding. I can strongly relate this to school and when I was handed a piece of paper by a professor and told to put something down, no explanation at all. I sat there lost, unsure of what exactly I needed to put down on this paper and that is why explanations, directions or comments are a need in life.

When you think back in your life or any type of scenario you realize life would be a mess without some sort of explanation. How to brush your teeth, how to drive a car, how to apply for a job and so much more. Pretty much everything we do in this world needs to be taught or communicated. After hearing my classmates communicate what they thought the picture of the pair of pants was and then seeing the caption “Suspicious pants” it all added up to us. This is prime definition that we need writing to understand what is happening in any situation. The human brain is powerful, it will see what is wants to see and work how it wants to work. True strength of mind comes from a combination of things, from awareness, focus as well as resiliency. A simple caption can change the perspective of anything and that is why I find it so important. Something I have noticed in this world on social media is funny pictures with the caption “When you see it, comment”, everything is based off vision and then digging in and recognizing what is truly happening in the picture or text. Without the true understanding of certain things assumptions are made which can lead to certain issues, this is where I connect with this epigraph from outside situations because when you hear about arguments a lot of them are started from assumptions, what they SAW. These life issues are solved most of the time by communicating which is why words and explanation is key to live an easier and healthier life.  This epigraph has made me see things on a different level and helped opened my mind for the better.

I can proudly say this epigraph has made me see things on a different level and opened my mind up in many ways. It has made me understand how hard it is to dive into something without instruction or some sort of caption explaining what is going on or what needs to be addressed. I myself have run into many issues where I have seen certain things and did not notice the main issue until someone points it out to me, this is where the mind decided to think what it wants and witness what it wants. This epigraph simply explained that on a deeper level.

In this class I hope to benefit from a ton, from being able to open my mind on different levels and use my ever-growing thinkING skills to become a better writer and individual. I am ecstatic to see how well I can apply my thinking to readings and take in new material at the same time, I am also hoping I become more comfortable with reading and knowing it is okay to not understand what is being addressed but to do all you can as a human being to discover those difficulties.

From the epigraphs that we have read throughout this course, I chose the one that states the incredibility of the comprehension of a sentence. The epigraph by Percival Everett’s novel Erasure is, “It’s incredible that a sentence is ever understood. Mere sounds strung together by some agent attempting to mean some thing, but the meaning need not and does not confine itself to that intention”. This epigraph stood out to me from the others because I think its honesty is so true to today’s world and can correlate to some goals I have set for myself for this course.

In Percival Everett’s book titled Erasure, the author prefaces his novel with his epigraph. The Bedford Glossary of Critical and Literary Terms defines the word epigraph by stating, “A passage printed on the title page or first page of a literary work or at the beginning of a section of such a work. Epigraphs, which tend to set the tone or establish the theme of what follows, are generally taken from earlier, influential texts by other authors” (Murfin and Ray, 309). After reading the epigraph from the novel Erasure, I immediately thought of how true his words are. It is often forgotten about how insane it is that any sentence is understood. As Everett says in the epigraph, it is crazy that a string of words can make sense to others but also can be interpreted differently by each individual hearing it. I thought this was very interesting because this occurs in everyday life. People will say things with one intention and others hearing it may take it a different way, similar to what often occurs in The Bacchae. One crucial example in this play was when Dionysus knew that Pentheus was going to die. Before this happened he made reference to Pentheus by stating, “I will escort you there safely, but another will bring you back from there… Yes, my mother!” (Euripides, 153). Pentheus thinks that his mother will be taking him back but he doesn’t know Dionysus’ intentions are to kill him. This is a great way to show how The Bacchae has examples of the epigraph I used. 

Another way to view this epigraph and how I correlated it to my goals for this course was how a student interprets a professor’s expectations. On the first day of any college class, the professor often goes over the syllabus. Although the syllabus mostly has the due dates and required textbooks, what is crucial to the course is the professor’s expectations from their students. On my first day of this course, I was nervous, afraid, and doubted myself. On our first day we went over the syllabus and what Professor McCoy expected from us as a class. After that class had ended, I was happy that the professor’s expectations were made clear and I could reach out if I was ever lost. I often feel like many of my professors make it clear that they don’t really want to be contacted unless absolutely necessary. But in this class, I felt comfortable reaching out to the professor because she wanted to help me. On that first day when we talked about expectations, Professor McCoy made it clear what she was looking for from us. She wanted us to be honest with her, to put in effort into our work, to be proud of our work, and much more. She went into detail about how she respected us as students but expected the respect back. This involved being honest when missing class or asking for an extension. When I first heard her explain how she wanted us to be honest with her I just assumed since this is an english class, she meant do not plagiarize. This is an example of how I took what she was saying about being honest and saw it from a different perspective. She then cleared up what she meant by being honest. After the class had ended, I knew that if I was missing class at any point that I would tell Professor McCoy the truth as to why I was missing rather than a made up excuse that sounded better. I appreciated my professor explaining what she wanted from us and what exactly she meant by honesty. I made it a goal of mine, to be honest with Professor McCoy the entire semester, whether it was about absences, grades, needing help, or anything else. It is interesting to me that if my professor never further explained what she meant by being honest with her, if I would have ever come to the conclusion that she meant in every aspect and not just with my writing. This is a great example of what Percival Everett was talking about in his epigraph. I experienced what he was talking about as Professor McCoy spoke to me about expectations and honesty and I maybe did not take it the exact way she meant it. This is just what happens in any kind of communication and Everett worded it perfectly in his epigraph.

One day in class we spoke about the difference between good and bad faith. As a class we decided that good faith often deals with honesty and sincerity while bad faith deals with lying and being deceitful. We separated into small groups and discussed our personal experiences of dealing with good and bad faith. As I sat there and tried to think of some examples, my mind was blank. After some of my classmates shared some of their examples, I thought of a problem that recently occurred for me involving this class. Over the summer, Professor McCoy sent us a few emails and announcements on canvas stating what textbooks we would need for this course. Since I have had professors in the past who would require multiple very expensive textbooks and never have us use them, I was hesitant about buying the books. I told myself I wanted to wait until I met the professor and had the first class before I spent any money on textbooks. On the first day I realized that Professor McCoy was not lying about what textbooks we would need and that we needed them immediately. I ordered all my textbooks, as soon as I got home but two days later I got an email that every single one of my books for this class was on backorder. I called the bookstore asking if I could cancel the order and they said no. I had two options, spend way more money buying the books somewhere else or just waiting for my books. I decided to wait. I borrowed a book from a friend and did a lot of audiobooks on youtube but if I had just had good faith in my professor and listened to her, I would not be in the predicament I was in. This relates back to the epigraph I chose, because once again, I did not just listen to my professor as I should have. I instead thought maybe she was lying or that the syllabus was not updated. Good faith and bad faith also relate to my chosen epigraph as it can sometimes mean lying and that is an example of bad faith. The reason I explained my experience with my textbooks was because it taught me that I needed to set goals for myself to be more on top of my work. This was a perfect example of my laziness and uncertainty which caused me to not be the best version I could be of myself and be fully prepared for class. Now I make sure that I am checking canvas often, making sure I have all the books I need, and making my calendar clear and organized so I don’t miss anything. I learned from this situation and have since made it a priority of mine to stay on top of my work.

I chose Everett’s epigraph from Erasure to explain how I correlated it with the goals I have set for myself for this class. I found that this specific epigraph truly explained perspective and how others can have different perspectives. This was a great way for me to connect perspective and how I view this course. I also found examples of this epigraph in The Bacchae and with the lecture we had in class about good and bad faith. This epigraph showed me the many examples of perspective for this class and allowed me to discover and set new goals for myself.

Citations

“The Bacchae.” The Bacchae and Other Plays, by Euripides, Penguin Books, 2006, pp. 121–168.

Bedford Glossary of Critical & Literary Terms , by Ross Murfin and Supryia Ray, 2017. 

Through these first couple weeks of class, I have been able to look at many different epigraphs that have made me think deeply about certain topics. Ive been able to open up a part of my brain that hasn’t been used in a very long time. My creative brain.

One epigraph I was very drawn to and has helped open up my creative mind. Is the one titled “I AM NOT MYSELF TODAY” written by Percival Everett’s, in the book titled I am Not Sidney Poitier. I relate to this epigraph in the way that it made me feel validated in how I am feeling right now. Being here at college is the first time I’ve ever been away from home. It is bittersweet leaving, and I know I’m supposed to accomplish amazing things here. But since I’ve gone back to my hometown after being at college for just a couple weeks, it doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t feel like its home anymore. Yes, the people are the same and they haven’t changed, but the feeling I get stepping into my bedroom is different than before. The feeling I get driving through the streets of my town, is a different feeling that overwhelms my body. I’m not sure what it is but I definitely know that in a very confusing way it’s reassuring me that I am where I’m supposed to be. Here at college, I am doing everything I can to become the person I dream of being. The quote “I came back to this place to find something, to connect with something lost, to reunite if not with my whole self, then with a piece of it. What I’ve discovered is that this thing is not here. In fact, it is nowhere”(Percival Everett), resonates with me because when I left for college I felt like I was leaving something behind, and in fact I wasn’t. I just needed to accept that I was starting a new part of my life that didn’t involve my hometown. And it was okay that I put myself first and chased my dreams. My mom always told me to think of myself first before I sacrifice my own happiness for others. I think this epigraph in my interpretation is saying the same thing. It’s explaining how Sidney Poitier is returning somewhere to hopefully find a piece of herself she feels is missing, but in reality nothing is missing, and she finds comfort in that. It took returning to this place, to understand who she is and that there’s nothing missing from who she “needs” to be.

Another quote from this epigraph that really resonated with me was “It seems you all know me and nothing could be further from the truth”. (Percival Everett) This quote resonates with me because through high school, I was always the type of person everyone used and walked all over. Those people think they know me, as the girl who doesn’t stick up for herself, and never really knows when to tell someone no. I’ve grown a lot since high school. And I’m not that girl anymore. So as much as those people think they “know” me. They don’t know who I am now. A very strong, determined, and powerful person who knows what she wants and will do anything to achieve it. I think this comes from being so young, and having accomplished as much as I have in my life so far, I know my abilities and I will never become that girl ever again. So they will never have the privilege to know who I am now. Just like Sidney Poitier.

Looking through the multiple epigraphs we have gone over in class. I feel as though Professor McCoy as well as these epigraphs have helped reopen my creative brain and helped me work to think deeper about topics. Throughout high school and my past college experience, in all of my classes whenever we had an assignment to write a paper, we were instructed to follow a strict prompt and write for word count. Our creativity was stripped away. Being in this class has really helped open that writing creativity back up. Being forced to look at these different epigraphs, and figure out what they each make me feel, Has made me start THINKing about other things in my day to day life. Being able to look at the deeper meaning of things has helped me be able to write this essay, that at first I was very unsure about. It was hard for me to grasp what the concept was because it is more of a “your interpretation” paper rather than spitting facts and bull-shitting about topics we don’t necessarily resonate with. I’m excited to keep using my THINKing skills, and dive deeper into this course, being able to use my interpretation of different topics and write more essays that use my creative thinking skills that I always knew I had, but was never able to use.

As I sit here reflecting on my attitude towards this essay in the past week, I notice a significant change. I feel eager, determined, focused, and relieved in comparison to the anger, frustration and confusion I was experiencing just six hours ago. I have focused my thought process on this epigraph by Percival Everett, “The interesting thing about irony for me is that real irony is far more sincere than earnestness. To accept the absurdity of a situation is to accept the humanness of it. Utter sincerity suggests a kind of belief that one knows all there is to know about a given circumstance. That is not to say that one should ever make light of serious and grave and important issues, but that open and genuine intellectual curiosity should never be a casualty in any situation. Irony is not always funny. Humor is not always ironic.” I will discuss the ways in which this epigraph relates irony to my personal experiences, but also the goals I strive to achieve this semester. 

The Bedford Glossary of Critical and Literary Terms defines the word irony as “a contradiction or incongruity between appearance or expectation and reality. This disparity may be manifested in a variety of ways. A discrepancy may exist between what someone says and what he or she actually means, between what someone expects to happen and what really does happen, or between what appears to be true and what actually is true. Furthermore, the term irony may be be applied to events, situations, and even structural elements of a work, not just to statements.” I pondered on this definition for a decent chunk of time, while I decifered ways to compare irony to our class content and feelings. After I stepped into Professor Mccoy’s office to clear up some confusion on this essay, multiple connections were made between Percival Everett’s epigraph and my overall experience in this course so far.

The first link I made involves the structure of my personal thought process as I complete an assignment, that many of my fellow classmates agreed with. From elementary to high school and still existing in some college courses, I have been taught to focus on my end results. Whether it is getting an exam done to relieve stress, skimming through a three hundred page book due in a week, or writing a lengthy essay, I have always prioritized getting to step Z before I acknowledge step A. This often results in ignoring out of the box thinking because we as students are used to jumping to conclusion that grades are all that matter and the end result must be near perfect. This is a huge example of how irony relates to this course specifically because Professor McCoy has expressed how important it is to slow down and use critical thinking, because when we jump to conclusion we often lose so much opportunity to get our brains flowing to a deeper level of thinking. As I walked into office hours today, I expressed my concerns about not meeting the word count because I was confused as to what my content was supposed to be focused on. Right away, Professor McCoy helped me operate my thought process from “how do I complete this” to “where can I start with this process.” This single realization helped me knock down all the walls I had blocking my writing abilities, and allowed me to start my journey on this assignment. 

Another ironic situation I have experienced in the past few weeks was the fact that putting off work does nothing but make matters worse. A quote Professor McCoy mentioned to me was “nothing will come out of nothing.” As I researched this quote, I discovered it was from a Shakespeare tragedy, King Lear. To sum up this scene, website Poem Analysis states that King Lear demands that his three daughters confess their undying love to him. Cordelia is the only honest of the three, and she refuses to lie to him. While her sisters declare false love to their father, Cordelia tries to prove her love through obedience and honor by contrasting herself from her sisters. After she says nothing, he states to her that “nothing will come of nothing” and if she refuses to give him the love he believes he deserves, then he will banish her from kingdom. This will result in her not being rewarded in the same way as her sisters are for producing false accusations to their father just so they can ensure their futures. When relating this quote to our class content, I used “nothing will come of nothing” in terms of self advocating and putting in the work. Recognizing my past, I can truthfully say that I tend to procrastinate or ignore work that seems “difficult” or “intimidating.” This has taught me that nothing except for more work comes from brushing aside something that deserves my time and attention, which ultimately helps me grow and challenge myself as an individual. This represents the process of practice over procrastination. If I practice challenging my thoughts, it will help me feel more comfortable with tasks that do not have a definite beginning and end. Furthermore, college has taught me how important self advocating is. Ironically enough, “nothing” really will come from nothing if you do not take advantage of the resources right in front of your face to help you succeed. For example, I walked into office hours with nothing but negative thoughts about myself and towards this assignment. I did not have valuable pieces of information I needed, such as the Bedford, which set me back before I had even started. As I worked through the confusion and got my brain working, I no longer felt like I had nothing to give for this assignment. Now, I sit here with excitement and hundreds of different thoughts and opinions to discuss about a topic that has no limits, which feels extremely rewarding.

With all this being said, I will use these realizations throughout my semester in not only this class but every class I take. I truly think slowing down and analyzing each step in a process will lead me to the most successful end result. Furthermore, I will focus on stepping out of my comfort zone and reaching out for help even when I feel stupid, or engaging in class because all thoughts are valid and worth hearing. Finally, I will embrace my confusion and use that as motivation because often the most creative thoughts come from a state of mind that is not always expected. I think this course will challenge me to interpret literature in ways that I typically don’t tend to do, and I will slowly begin to feel more comfortable with this as I give myself time to test out a new thought process.

While reflecting on the course epigraphs and what we have read and discussed with our peers, one epigraph resonated with me. The course epigraph I have selected is “It’s incredible that a sentence is ever understood. Mere sounds strung together by some agent attempting to mean something, but the meaning need not and does not confine itself to that intention.”-Percival Everett, Erasure.  When I first read this statement before our classes began, it felt simple. Sentences can be complex, sure. However, after we began discussions and readings, I realized there was a completely deeper meaning to this epigraph. During one of our first classes, while discussing Laura Skrzpczyk’s “The Act Of Scaring”, my group put our minds together and assumed that we needed to uncover the designated interpretation that Dr. McCoy had determined it to be. Although she never told us there was only one correct interpretation, my group was used to thinkING in a black-and-white mindset. We asked ourselves, how does a picture of pants correlate to an article about academic probation? We felt comfortable and familiar with the routine of searching for the answer the instructor already knew. The concept of creating our own interpretation felt foreign. After reflecting and working through our thoughts, wrapping ourselves into our own confusion, Iliana confused us even more through her support instead of disapproving our interpretations. She agreed with all of our interpretations, even though they were not similar. Skrzpczyk stated, “In making the letter more focused on the resources available to struggling students rather than a harsh assertion of the problem, students were more willing to put the work in and get their grades up. Those who received the first, almost shameful letter were more likely to drop out of college, and in doing so end their academic partnership” (Skrzpczyk). Skrzpczyk reflected on the idea that the way a message is delivered can alter the meaning. In this case, it was the difference between a harsh warning of academic probation, against a kinder, more gentle message that there were resources available for you to help get you back on track. Even though both of the academic probation letters said the same general message, it was the effect on the structure of the sentence that completely changed the reader’s mindset. Once we focused on this sentence, the idea that interpretation of a message is relevant to each individual became clear. We came to the conclusion that there is never one simple interpretation of a story, novel, poem, or even a sentence. We became more lost in trying to understand the “ideal” meaning of the work, that we were not comprehending that there may be no designated answer. Like the epigraph stated, a sentence is never understood. A sentence can have multiple meanings based on who said it, their tone and their intentions. It can have even more meanings when you are the one who is hearing or reading the sentence. When the class analyzed the “suspicious pants” post, we came up with multiple meanings for the same two words. Who is suspicious? What are they suspicious of? Why? Are the pants suspicious of something else in the room? Are the pants themselves suspicious? Questions began arising from a sentence that seemed simple. After all, a sentence is never understood. 

While it may have confused me, all the work we have read and analyzed has made me start thinkING about my goals for myself and my work for the remainder of the course. First, I hope to eliminate the black-and-white mentality that I have acquired from elementary school and my adolescent years. In classes, we were taught that there is one interpretation of a story. “The lamp in the corner of the room symbolizes her mothers death” and “her dress is a metaphor because she loved birds and the ocean”. These were the types of scenarios I experienced throughout my years of schooling. There was no freedom of interpretation, no matter if you felt the work presented expressed a different meaning. I hope for myself that I can be comfortable with having a different interpretation and viewpoint of a piece of literature than those sitting next to me and around me. “A sentence is never understood” is what I aim to continue reminding myself throughout the course. After years of being the student who felt like they were the only person who missed the main idea and meaning of the literature, I hope to make steps into the direction of confidence and flexibility when analyzing pieces of literature. 

As I began reading Euripides’ “Bacchae”, I, like most others, was extremely confused on my very first read through. The language was difficult to understand, and the story line seemed bizarre. For example, “Let me see you dressed like a woman, a maenad, a Bacchant, on your way to spy on your mother and her company!” (Bacchae). After reading through a second and third time, and reading feedback from Dr. McCoy, “If you find yourself confused, make lemonade out of the lemon: think about how the confusion might be the point and not a marker of failure or insufficiency on your part”, I started to change my thinking from “this is confusing”, and feelings of frustration, to wondering if that was the author’s goal for the reader. It made me start thinkING and wondering about how we will use Bacchae in connection with Percival Everett’s texts. Truthfully, I do not know anything about this author or his work. Based on the texts we have discussed so far, it makes me curious and slightly confused to know what and how the elements and characteristics will connect the two. Confusion does not necessarily have to be a bad thing, because a sentence is never understood. What makes sense to one does not make sense to all, and no two interpretations will ever be the same on how the work is connected. This experience has created one of my goals for myself this semester to not put all of the blame on myself and my own capabilities for not grasping the concepts or feeling lost and confused, but instead to embrace it. Instead, I hope to be more curious as to why a piece of literature feels so confusing and if the confusion has a purpose.

My main goal for the semester is to work for the process and not the end product, which I tend to do. I am aiming to continue thinkING, and eliminate the thought process of rushing through literature to try and find what others “expect” me to find. I am aiming to be comfortable being uncomfortable.  

Upon entering Dr. McCoy’s class on the second day— I missed day one due to a change in schedule— I found myself in a classroom community I have yet to experience. I had just changed my concentration to English, and I walked into this class with a cautiously eager mindset. I briefly reviewed the course syllabus prior to class, but was reassured by Dr. McCoy that time would be spent going over it. With my first glance, I immediately noticed the Suspicious Pants.

I honestly thought it was just a tweet that Dr. McCoy had liked, with no correlation to our coursework. I then noticed how it was placed under the title “Our Course Epigraphs”, so I knew it had to be important. I thought to myself, “Why would a professor have a silly tweet as one of the cornerstones of the course?” It was through our class discussion that I began to understand.

 While in class, my peers explained to me what had happened on day one. They all discussed what they noticed about the pants, and began sharing with me their own ideas. I contributed to the discussion by stating how the buttons in the pocket looked like eyes, and how the wrinkles below the pocket formed the ‘eyelids’. We asked questions such as “Are the pants themselves suspicious, or are they suspicious of something?” It was interesting to hear what my classmates made out of the tweet, which we all agreed was a funny thing to analyze for a collegiate English class. 

As we continued through class that day, we began a small group discussion about Geneseo alum Laura Skrzpczyk’s blog entitled The Art of Scaring. Her piece discusses how there is often not a lot of transparency in collegiate partnerships, and how the use of support systems helps eliminate the “scary” of college. In our group, we each put forth our experiences in college thus far. Our different years, majors, and our fears about being in a class structured in an innovative way became the focus of the conversation. Coming from all different backgrounds, we all saw a piece of ourselves in this article, just as we had seen different aspects when looking at the pants. Through these in-class exercises, I took a step outside of my own vision and connected with my classmates through listening to what they had to say. I left class that day feeling more at ease and open minded toward the course.

Looking at the Suspicious Pants tweet and reading The Art of Scaring reminded me of an idea that was reinforced in my previous English classes. As readers, we all will have our own perceptions and interpretations of literature. Discussing our individual viewpoints and hearing how they differ from others allows us to think of things we would otherwise not have, which is quite the rewarding experience. Certain aspects of a text may stand out to others, while some may be more well versed with theme ideas rather than specific text details. We each contribute our own understanding to the class, sparking scholarly discussion. This notion reinforces the idea of class community, which I have noticed is an important aspect of this course over the first few periods. Through our discussions of acting in good faith, it is clear that as members of this community we must welcome everyone’s unique perspectives, and I value the openness that our class setup establishes in order to do this successfully.

The way in which we analyzed the Suspicious Pants can be applied to the reading of Euripides’ play, The Bacchae. Even after taking a theater history course last fall, I still find myself struggling with Greek literature. The language is highly complex and difficult to understand, especially when the piece was made to be listened to, not read. The first time I read it, I had a basic understanding of the plot but was still quite confused. However, with each re-reading I did, I discovered new details that I had previously missed. Just like with the pants, the longer I spent looking, the more details I saw. 

As I read, I began to see connections between this piece of ancient literature and a modern day social media post. In Euripides’ The Bacchae, Diosnyus returns to Thebes under the facade of a strange and mortal man, where his power as a god is questioned. Dionysus began to curse the women who spoke against him, who happened to be his mother’s sisters. These Maenads, as they were called, brought havoc to Thebes, which greatly angered Pentheus. Pentheus locked up Dionysus, which resulted in the derangement of the Maenads. Agave, one of the Maenads, was under the possession of the Bacchus, which caused her to kill Pentheus. In line 1280 of Euripides’ The Bacchae, Agave questions Cadmus about what the head that she was holding really was. She was displaying it with great pride, completely oblivious to what she had done. To this, Cadmus replied “Look more closely still. Study it carefully” (line 1281). Agave, the mother of Pentheus, was so focused on the one interpretation in her mind that she thought was right. She was convinced she had murdered a lion. It took Cadmus saying for her to actually look at it in order for her to realize she was the reason her son was dead. Her close minded viewpoint relates to those suspicious pants—if you only look at things from only your own perspective, you restrict yourself from gaining valuable insight. When you are stuck in your own way of viewing something, letting in another person’s viewpoint can bring clarity. As the semester progresses, I hope to apply Cadmus’ dialogue to the way I approach coursework. By close looking and careful study, you focus on the process of thinking. This allows for a richer connection between reader and text, which is the ultimate goal of this course.

My personal goal for this course is to take on learning through a new lens. As someone who has always been focused on the end result and the number attached to it, this course will be challenging for me. Steering away from being driven by the grade is something I’ve never done, but I am up to the challenge. Taking on this new style of a class, I aim to remember that there is significance in taking the time to probe deeper and both listen to and value the thoughts of my peers. I yearn to take Dr. McCoy’s advice on slowing down to focus on the process, and better myself as a reader and writer in doing so. 

An epigraph is a short quotation or saying at the beginning of a book or chapter, intended to suggest its theme. So far in our course, we have been shown a few different epigraphs. After examining each epigraph, I have found that I can relate to the one written by Percival Everet from I am Not Sidney Poitier the most. This epigraph states “Thank you,” I said. “I came back to this place to find something, to connect with something lost, to reunite, if not with my whole self, then with a piece of it. What I’ve discovered is that this thing is not here. In fact, it is nowhere. I have learned that my name is not my name. It seems you all know me and nothing could be further from the truth and yet you know me better than I know myself, perhaps better than I can know myself. My mother is buried not far from this auditorium, and there are no words on her headstone. As I glance out now, as I feel the weight of this trophy in my hands, as I stand like a specimen before these strangely strange faces, I know finally what should be written on that stone. It should say what mine will say: I AM NOT MYSELF TODAY.” This epigraph stood out to me because it talks about reconnecting with something you have lost. It reminded me that I need to reconnect with my education.

The first sentence of this epigraph talks about connecting with something lost and reuniting with your whole self. After reading this line I knew I wanted to dive deeper into this text because it reflects how I am feeling about school. My freshman year at Geneseo I came into college as a math major. After one semester I knew this was not the subject I am interested in studying for the rest of my life, but I decided to stick it out for one more semester. During my second semester, I found myself lost in my math courses. I was struggling with the material and gave up on learning. I felt lost and did not know if college was even the right choice for me. After giving it some thought, I decided that I was going to try and connect with a different subject. I chose English because I enjoyed my writing seminar and felt that I can express myself through writing. I think the line in the epigraph “I came back to this place to find something, to connect with something lost, to reunite, if not with my whole self, then with a piece of it” symbolizes this change in direction on my educational journey. The rest of the quote talks about how someone is “not themselves.” This is how I felt during my first year at Geneseo in the wrong major.

This epigraph reminds me that I need to set goals to keep my education on track. I hope to do that in this course. One goal I have in this course is not only to attend class but to also participate in class too. This class is easier to participate in because it is more discussion-based, and I feel that this fits my learning style better than a lecture. Another goal I have for this course is to ask for help when I need it. I know that help is available, and my goal is to accept the help that is offered by my professors. Another goal I have in this class is to be able to freely express myself in my writing. This epigraph talks about how someone is struggling to find themselves and that they feel a “weight”. In this course, I hope that I never feel a “weight” on myself and that I can find my voice through writing. I think personal expression is important in writing.  Percival Everet’s epigraph talks about someone who is “not themselves today”. My goal is to never write something that I feel doesn’t represent my own ideas and feelings. 

After reading this epigraph, I connected my thoughts about it to another text we have read so far in this course. The epigraph reminded me of my personal struggles in my academic career and I thought of the blog “The Art of Scaring” by Laura Skrzypczyk because it talks about struggling college students. Laura’s blog talks about the different ways colleges communicate to students that they are not doing well academically. She says colleges should take a gentler approach when telling students that they need to work harder rather than scaring them. I agree with Laura’s opinion and think that universities should encourage students rather than scare them. After I did poorly my freshman year, I was scared by the emails I received from the dean about getting my grades up. Colleges scaring students can make them feel lost, which is exactly how I felt going into this year of college. The epigraph by Percival Everet reminded me that I am not the only one who has felt lost. Laura Skrzypczyk’s blog also talks about lost students who are struggling in their academics. Both texts have shown me that it is okay to struggle sometimes and that I can overcome it.

Having epigraphs to look at in this course has been very helpful for me. After reading the epigraph from I am Not Sidney Poitier by Percival Everet it got me thinking about my experience in college so far. I thought about what academic habits I wanted to change during this course. The epigraph talks about someone feeling lost and reuniting with their whole self. During this course, I hope to reunite with my education and find a subject that I am passionate about. The epigraph reminded me that I need to set goals for myself and try my hardest to achieve them. I have also learned from the blog “The Art of Scaring” by Laura Skrzypczyk that I am not alone in struggling with college and that I can be encouraged to get my grades up. I have many goals for this semester in college and reading the texts shown to me in this course has helped me to identify them. In this course, I am determined to find myself as a writer and to up my academic standing. 

Work Cited

Skrzypczyk, L. (2019, August 22). The Art of Scaring. Critical Writers. Retrieved September 15, 2022, from https://critical.sunygeneseoenglish.org/2018/03/24/the-art-of-scaring/